good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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