i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
