idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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