if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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