He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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