can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
