He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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