my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
