If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We are all done wearing pants today
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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