I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
