just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
