Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
