Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
