is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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