Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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