um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
