It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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