i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
