I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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