We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
