Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
