Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
