she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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