I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
