Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
