I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
