im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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