it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
