i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
