Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
