uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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