Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
