i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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