I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
