I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
