Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
