you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
