we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
