so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
zippers are such a cool invention
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
