I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i drank out of a bidet.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
