You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
