I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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