one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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