I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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