And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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