on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
