I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
