we have pet lesbian snakes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
