I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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