Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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